Highly Illogical
Yay for Halloween! ^_^ Masquerading is quite the fun. I'm dressed as a punk, with patches all over my clothes and spiked blue hair. I'll post a picture later.

[EDIT] Das Pic [/EDIT]

Kim was a Vulcan, ears and all, in Starfleet uniform (a la Uhuru). Damn, she was cute in that...she could have an army of nerds at her beck and call if she wanted. And Kim, if you're reading this: you do not look like a slut in that. Now if you weren't wearing the leggings, that'd change things a bit; but you weren't showing enough skin to look slutty. :p

As for other people, there were some great costumes out there. Rachel was the Wicked Witch of the East, complete with Dorothy's house. Cameron was Alex from A Clockwork Orange. Tyler (who I got my costume from ^_^) was Tim the Enchanter, though the judges didn't recognize him. ¬_­¬ *mumble*Stupid judges...*mumble* Sara & co. were can-can dancers from the Moulin Rouge — very intricate and pretty. I can't believe they spent two weeks on those. o_O

Hey Helen, if read this before you hear from me, call me. I remember you said something about doing Halloween stuff, but I haven't heard from you on that since we saw Spirited Away. If you don't already have something planned, I'll see if you can come over, maybe pull ya away from SFA long enough for you to play AC and PSO. ;D

And, just to keep the angst meter up here, I think I'm recovering pretty nicely. I still think about her a lot, but it's not as painful. ^^;

In conclusion:
キムはセクシーヴァルカン人です。
マクはプンクラクです。

Coincidence?
This is bizarre...she's been in my dreams for the past two Sunday nights...never a very significant part, but enough of one to remember.

If it happens again next Sunday, I'll start getting concerned. Right now, it's just kinda kooky.

There Is No Winner
It looks like a shock is only a temporary cure. I've experienced a few of those, and after each one, I think I'm over this whole thing. But then, a couple days later, I'm right back where I was.

The only way this is going to ever actually be over is for one of us to have a change of heart: either her towards me, or me towards someone else. And I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon...

SYSTEM FAILURE
I just experienced a complete emotional breakdown. I cried harder than I have in a long time. It came when I realized what this whole thing has done to me. Everything is different now...

I found myself contemplating suicide less than an hour ago. I mean, I would never kill myself, but the fact that it even entered my mind tells me something is very, very wrong. But what can I do?

I hide behind a mask of good cheer...maybe people don't see how I feel. Am I that good an actor, or are people really so blind?

Torture
I don't know if I'm seeing the situation right...I know I'm infamous for misunderstandings...

It feels like she's intentionally ignoring me, even avoiding me. Not only that, but when I'm within earshot, she openly flaunts the fact that she's attracted to other guys. Is she trying to hurt me? It does hurt...it makes me feel inferior, like I'm not good enough.

She treats me like I'm even less than a friend. She ignores my pain while attending others. It's like I don't even exist.

I can't take this...

I Don't Need To Walk Around In Circles
I'm right back where I started. I feel the same way I did a week ago, only now I have to be so much more careful because she knows how I feel. I want to be completely demonstrative. I want to be able to walk up to her and smother her with a gigantic hug.

...But I don't want to risk a falling out between us by some wrong move on my part. I feel so limited because I can't do anything without some sign from her.

What can I do?

Hey, I just found out that my name in elvish is Ohtavetulka. Niftah!

Unfortunately, this is not a simple process. First I went here to find out what my first and middle name mean, then here to translate that into Elvish.

Well, I think everything concerning my last two posts has been resolved. We're still friends, and I don't have the feelings of regret tearing me up inside. I don't know if she thinks of me any differently, but right now that doesn't really matter. I'm sure I'll know if she wants me to know.

But I still got a lot of pressure on me. Dang, I hate the last crunch the week of opening night of a play...

Anyway, I got Final Fantasy today, so I'm happy. ^_^ Yummy 8-bit goodness!

I can never get anything right. My heart and my mind can't see eye to eye, so to speak. I knew what the outcome would be before I even went in there...why am I crying now?

Crash and burn...crash and burn...

Okay, I apologize for making my first real post such a stupid one. Still, I gotta get angsty every now and then.

But...you know how sometimes it's easier to say things in writing than face-to-face? Well, I'm way beyond that: I can't even write it right, but I'll try anyway.

I...I think I'm in love. *anticipates kian punching him*

But, since this is a public blog, I don't want to name names, for fear of embarassing her. (Yes, she will probably be reading this.) I don't know whether she knows it already (she's probably guessed by now...), or even how she feels about me; but she's worth taking that risk. Even if she doesn't love me, I want her to know that I love her.

There's really not much more I can say about this...words always fail me in this sort of situation. So I'm going to rely on music to relate my thoughts.

Nick Drake - Man in a Shed
R.E.M. - Strange Currencies
R.E.M. - You Are The Everything

And, taking a different slice from the same pie:
R.E.M. - You

If you're reading this, and if you know who you are, I'm not trying to scare you with this. I just need to say it, and I haven't been able to tell you when I'm around you. I don't want to create too awkward a situation...I guess I'm thinking this way, it'll dull the shock, give you time to think of a reaction. Am I an idiot?

...Now that I've said this, though, it brings up a whole new dilemma: where do I go from here? I know nothing about this sort of thing. I am blind in matters of relationships. *sigh* I need help...

[EDIT 11/07/02] Well, the music files got taken down. :\ So, for the sake of posterity, I just unlinked them and added the artist names. I still suggest you listen to them if you get the chance.

Testing...